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What does it mean when Mishlei says "He who spares the rod hates his child"—even when examples show fathers who loved their sons deeply? The shiur argues the hatred is not of the child but of parenting itself: the proactive responsibility to discipline, set standards, be a role model, and view the child as a separate entity. Egypt's slavery models divine proactive parenting—preparing the Jewish people through hardship to receive Torah (תורה) and the Land of Israel.
The shiur opens with the beginning of Sefer Shemos and the enslavement of the Jewish people in Egypt. A Midrash connects this suffering to the verse in Mishlei (Proverbs): "He who spares the rod hates his child; he who loves him disciplines him early." The Midrash cites examples—Avrohom with Yishmael, Yitzchok with Esav, Dovid with Avshalom and Adoniyahu—of great fathers who failed to discipline certain children sufficiently, leading to tragic outcomes. Yet the same fathers successfully raised other children (Avrohom raised Yitzchok, Yitzchok raised Yaakov), so the issue cannot be a lack of understanding. The question becomes: How could these righteous men hate their children, and what does this "hatred" mean? Rabbi Zweig explains that the "hatred" is not of the child as a person, but of the burden and responsibility of parenting itself. Parenting demands enormous responsibility: discipline, sacrifice, setting boundaries, working extra hours, giving up personal time and comfort. It is not the child we resent, but the role we must fill. The same dynamic applies to marriage—one can love a spouse but resent the demands and responsibilities of being a husband or wife. The Torah (תורה)'s use of the word "soneh" (hate) captures this resentment toward the obligations imposed by the relationship, not toward the person.
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Shemos (opening of the parsha), Mishlei (Proverbs) on sparing the rod
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