Taking Responsibility: The Mitzvah of Helping vs Doing For Others

Full Summary

Rabbi Zweig analyzes the Torah (תורה)'s commandments regarding helping someone whose animal's burden has fallen (loading) versus helping someone whose animal is overburdened (unloading). He cites Rashi (רש"י)'s teaching that both mitzvos require the owner's participation - if the owner refuses to help and says 'you do it for me,' the bystander is not obligated to assist. The Taz questioned why Rashi only mentioned this requirement regarding loading, when unloading seems like a greater mitzvah (מצוה) since it relieves the animal's pain. Rabbi Zweig resolves this by explaining that there is no independent mitzvah to relieve an animal's pain - only a prohibition against causing such pain. When an owner overloads his animal, he violates this prohibition and becomes obligated to unload it. If he refuses to fulfill this obligation and tells someone else to do it, not only is the bystander not required to help, but helping would actually be harmful as it enables irresponsibility. The Hebrew word 'azov' (help) also means 'abandon,' teaching that true help enables someone to eventually become independent - to be 'abandoned' in the sense of self-sufficiency. If you cannot eventually abandon someone you're helping, then you're not truly helping but rather creating dependency. Rabbi Zweig extends this principle to parenting and community involvement. Parents who constantly do things for their children instead of helping them learn to do things themselves create the conditions that lead to problems like those described in the subsequent Torah portion of Ben Sorer U'Moreh (the rebellious child). He argues that modern affluent communities often give children everything without teaching responsibility, leading to serious problems including substance abuse. The difference between Sodom's wickedness and proper boundary-setting is that Sodom refused to help even those who genuinely could not help themselves, while proper chinuch involves helping when someone cannot do something but requiring participation when they can. Rabbi Zweig concludes with practical advice for Rosh Hashanah preparation: instead of adding more ritual observances, spend five minutes each night reviewing your day and taking responsibility for your actions - examining how you spoke to others and whether you acted properly. This self-examination, though brief, is often harder than hours of additional prayer because it requires taking genuine responsibility for oneself.