Family Obligations and Mesirus Nefesh: Yaakov, Eisav, and Dinah

The shiur opens with an apparent contradiction between Parshas Vayeitzei and Parshas Vayishlach. Chazal say Yaakov was punished middah keneged middah for hiding Dinah from Eisav—his daughter was violated because he prevented her from meeting Eisav. Yet the Gemara (גמרא) praises Leah for crying her eyes out at the prospect of marrying Eisav, explaining that the Torah (תורה)'s negative description of her eyes is actually a compliment to her unwillingness to have a relationship with him. How can refusing a relationship with Eisav be both praiseworthy and punishable? Rabbi Zweig presents a fundamental yesod that he observed guiding the psak of gedolim throughout the years: when dealing with family, one is obligated to do everything possible to maintain viable relationships, even at great personal discomfort, as long as halacha (הלכה) is not compromised. A stranger has no obligation to place himself in spiritually uncomfortable situations—Eliezer would not sleep even one night in Lavan's house with idols present, and Lavan understood this. But Yaakov lived there twenty years with those same idols, because a son-in-law has a different responsibility to family.