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Why does Yaakov answer Esav's question about "the women and children" by mentioning only the children? Rashi (רש"י) and Ramban (רמב"ן) offer two fundamentally different understandings of marriage—one focused on raising children (Yaakov), the other on the husband-wife bond (Esav). The discussion unfolds how this philosophical divide explains Yaakov's refusal to let Dinah marry Esav and defines the core values of the Jewish nation.
This shiur explores a profound disagreement between Rashi (רש"י) and Ramban (רמב"ן) regarding the essence of marriage, using the encounter between Yaakov and Esav in Parshas Vayishlach as the textual foundation. When Esav asks Yaakov "Who are these to you?" referring to the women and children, Yaakov responds only about the children: "These are the children that God was kind enough to give your servant." Ramban explains that Yaakov considered it improper to discuss his wives, so he mentioned only the children. Rabbi Zweig argues that according to Rashi, Yaakov's answer is actually complete—the women ARE the children, meaning the purpose of the wives is to help build the children. The shiur analyzes the passuk in Bereishis describing marriage: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Rashi explains "one flesh" as the child formed from both parents. Ramban objects that this is true of animals as well, and proposes instead that the verse describes the transcendent intimacy between husband and wife that surpasses even blood relationships. Rabbi Zweig suggests that Rashi's answer to Ramban's question is that unlike animals, human beings don't just biologically produce children—they BUILD children. The focus of Jewish marriage, according to Rashi, is the joint commitment of husband and wife to raise and develop their children. This is what distinguishes human marriage from animal reproduction.
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Bereishis 33:5-14 (Parshas Vayishlach)
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