Divine Love and Human Relationships: Understanding Non-Rejection

Full Summary

This shiur addresses a perplexing question from the blessings in Parshas Bechukosai: why does God conclude His list of wonderful blessings with "I will not be revolted by you" - seemingly a minimal promise rather than a blessing? The analysis begins by examining the parallel structure where God makes the same promise even when the Jewish people sin, stating He won't be disgusted enough to destroy them. The discussion reveals a fundamental truth about relationships: as they become more intimate and expectations increase, the potential for disappointment and even revulsion grows proportionally. This is demonstrated through the Torah (תורה)'s distinction between loving friends versus not hating brothers - closer relationships require first overcoming potential animosity before achieving love. The shiur explores how marriages, partnerships, and family relationships often deteriorate not through major betrayals, but through unmet expectations in everyday interactions. The key insight emerges through analyzing the motivation behind giving and taking in relationships. When we give in order to receive, every investment creates greater expectations for returns. When these expectations aren't met, fury and revulsion result - we become angry at everything we previously gave. However, when we take only in order to give (ensuring the other person feels comfortable receiving), disappointment doesn't lead to revulsion because we weren't invested for selfish gain. God's promise represents this perfect love model. His relationship with the Jewish people is based entirely on giving for their benefit. When He asks for something in return (mitzvos, service), it's only so they won't feel uncomfortable being pure recipients. Therefore, even when they fail to reciprocate adequately, He doesn't become revolted because His motivation was never self-serving. The Gemara (גמרא) in Sanhedrin illustrates this dynamic: "When madly in love, a couple can be intimate on a sword's blade; when not, even 120 cubits isn't enough space." This teaches that relationships require constant investment and attention - without actively nurturing love, natural separation and even revulsion can develop. The practical application suggests examining our motivations in relationships. Entering marriage, partnerships, or deeper friendships primarily to receive more inevitably leads to disappointment and potential destruction of what we previously had. However, approaching relationships with genuine desire to give, while taking only to make the other person comfortable, creates the possibility for "civil divorces" and preserved friendships even when relationships don't progress as hoped. This paradigm shift could prevent much of the hostility that destroys families and harms children in our contemporary society.