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Why does Mishlei say "spare the rod, hate the child" when the Midrash shows Avrohom and Yitzchok failed to discipline precisely because they loved their sons? The shiur explains that parents don't hate their children—they hate the responsibility of parenting itself. True parenting requires being proactive, not merely reactive to crises, constantly searching for ways to understand and guide each child.
Rabbi Zweig opens by examining the Midrash that introduces Sefer Shemos, which focuses on parenting as the central theme of Jewish continuity. The Midrash quotes Mishlei: "He who spares the rod hates the child, but he who loves him disciplines him." Yet the Midrash then illustrates this principle by showing that Avrohom didn't discipline Yishmael because he loved him greatly, Yitzchok didn't discipline Esav because he loved him, and Dovid didn't discipline Avshalom and Adoniyahu out of love. This creates an apparent contradiction—if love causes parents to withhold discipline, how can the verse say that withholding discipline equals hatred? The resolution comes through examining a halachic principle regarding a burglar (ba bamachteres). When someone breaks into a house, the homeowner may kill the intruder preemptively because we presume the burglar is prepared to kill the homeowner to complete the theft. However, if a son sees his father breaking in, he may not kill him, because we legally presume a father would never kill his son—he would flee or submit rather than harm his child. Conversely, if a father sees his son breaking in, he may kill him, because we presume a son might kill a father. This legal presumption—that fathers don't hate sons to the point of murder—seems incompatible with Shlomo HaMelech's statement that a father who doesn't discipline "hates" his child.
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Parshas Shemos, Midrash Shemos Rabbah 1:1, Mishlei (Proverbs)
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