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Why must a husband say 'hadlakas haner' every Erev Shabbos (שבת) even when candles are already lit? The shiur develops the Rambam (רמב"ם)'s understanding that this creates shalom bayis through partnership, not just preventing accidents. Speaking gently ensures the wife acts from acceptance rather than coercion, recreating the harmonious male-female dynamic that righteous women restored in Egypt.
This shiur examines the Midrashic connection between the verse 'zachanu es hadaga she'achalnu b'Mitzrayim chinam' (we remember the fish we ate in Egypt) and the obligation to light Shabbos (שבת) candles. The speaker begins by questioning Rashi (רש"י)'s interpretation of the Mishna in Shabbos (23a) regarding the three things one must say on Erev Shabbos. While Rashi explains that the first two (asartem, aravtem) are questions because one might not know if they were done, but hadlakas haner is a statement since you can see if candles are lit, the speaker finds this problematic for the Rambam (רמב"ם)'s approach. According to the Rambam's methodology of learning Gemara (גמרא) like Torah (תורה) she'biksav, every word must be precise. The Mishna states 'shloshad devarim tzarich adam lomar' - three things one MUST say every Erev Shabbos, not sometimes two and sometimes three. The Rambam therefore understands that even if candles appear lit, the husband must still say 'hadlakas haner' to his wife, as this statement is integral to the proper performance of the mitzvah (מצוה).
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Shabbos 23a-34b, Sotah 11b
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