True Leadership: When Others' Needs Become Your Own

Full Summary

Rabbi Zweig begins by addressing self-proclaimed leaders and examining what constitutes genuine leadership through a fascinating contradiction in Jewish sources. He cites Rashi (רש"י)'s commentary on Parshas Beha'aloscha, where Joshua asks Moses to restrict two people who appeared disrespectful. Rashi explains that Moses should give them communal responsibility, and they will self-destruct - suggesting leadership is inherently destructive. Yet after the Golden Calf, when God demotes Moses, the message is that a leader's greatness comes entirely from serving the people, implying leadership is elevating. The resolution comes through a Midrash about King Saul's father, originally named Kish but called "son of Ner" (candle). Kish illuminated the dark streets near his home at his own expense so people could attend the study house at night. Unlike typical community involvement driven by personal need, Kish's action addressed a community need he didn't personally have - he could navigate his own area in the dark. This selfless perspective on community needs merited his son's kingship. Rabbi Zweig explains that most community involvement begins with self-interest: parents needing a school, victims of tragedy leading related causes. While not wrong, true leadership thinks differently - identifying community needs separate from personal requirements. The Rambam (רמב"ם) defines a Jewish king as one whose heart (desires) belongs entirely to the community's welfare rather than personal gratification. The distinction determines leadership's effect: when communal responsibility feels imposed externally while maintaining separate personal wants, it becomes destructive weight causing resentment. When community needs genuinely become one's own desires, it expands perspective and creates greatness. Moses exemplified this when refusing God's offer to destroy Israel and create a new nation from him alone, demonstrating that his existence was inseparable from theirs. Rabbi Zweig extends this principle beyond communal leadership to family relationships. Parents who view children as external burdens rather than having their children's needs become their own needs create hostile environments leading to resentment and even abuse. He shares troubling examples of family dysfunction rooting in this perspective. Similarly, spouses who maintain separate agendas while viewing marriage as external responsibility create adversarial relationships. The same dynamic applies to religious observance - viewing mitzvos as imposed obligations creates hostility toward God, while recognizing they fulfill our genuine needs creates happiness and fulfillment. During the question period, Rabbi Zweig addresses how to change wrong perspectives, emphasizing that intellectual attitude adjustment must precede behavioral change. He discusses the balance between helping others and fostering independence, using the prophet's critique of Sodom as those who rationalized not helping others as promoting self-reliance, but their true nature was revealed by their failure to help those genuinely unable to help themselves.