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Why does the Torah (תורה) add seemingly unnecessary words when discussing marriage and entering the land? The extra word 'v'haya' teaches that if a husband doesn't make his wife feel valued ('chen'), adultery will inevitably follow. This principle reveals that marriage completion is essential for our relationship with God, as we can only be God's bride as complete entities.
This shiur explores the deeper meaning of marriage through an analysis of seemingly superfluous words in the Torah (תורה). Rabbi Zweig begins by examining two instances where the Torah adds the word 'v'haya' (and it shall be) - once regarding entering the land of Israel in Parshas Ki Savo, and once in the context of divorce due to adultery in last week's parsha. The shiur identifies a fundamental principle of marriage through the Torah's discussion of divorce: when the Torah states that a man must divorce his adulterous wife 'if she doesn't find favor in his eyes,' it's not describing a condition but rather revealing the cause. The word 'v'haya' indicates inevitability - if a husband doesn't give his wife the feeling that she finds 'chen' (special favor) in his eyes, adultery will result. This isn't about material gifts or compliments about specific qualities, but about communicating an indefinable sense of being valued and special. The shiur then connects this to the ceremony described in Ki Savo where the tribes stood on two mountains to hear blessings and curses. According to one opinion in the Talmud (תלמוד), all eleven curses refer to adultery, which seems puzzling given that many other serious sins exist. Rabbi Zweig explains this through the Talmudic teaching that an unmarried person is not called 'Adam' - they are incomplete entities. The name Adam applies only to man and woman together as one complete being. Adultery destroys this completeness, making it not just a sin but an act of self-destruction that renders a person incomplete. This incompleteness has cosmic significance because the Jewish people's relationship with God is described as a marriage, with entering the Land of Israel representing entering God's home (chuppah). Just as a wife runs the household, the Jewish people are tasked with running God's world through prayer and observance. However, this relationship requires us to be complete entities. An incomplete person cannot properly fulfill the role of God's bride. The shiur emphasizes that this understanding makes working on one's marriage especially crucial before Rosh Hashanah, when we seek to renew our relationship with God. The practical takeaway is that husbands must constantly communicate to their wives that they are special and valued, not for any particular quality they possess, but for their essential being.
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Ki Savo - ceremony of blessings and curses, Devarim 24:1 - laws of divorce
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