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Why does Rashi (רש"י) call Balaam greedy when he refuses money to curse the Jews? The shiur draws a crucial distinction between wanting things (theft) versus wanting control (robbery). When children fight siblings for dominance rather than objects, traditional discipline backfires - they'll self-destruct rather than submit.
Rabbi Zweig analyzes the story of Balaam in Parshas Balak to extract profound insights about human motivation and parenting. When Balaam tells Balak's messengers that even if given all of Balak's silver and gold he wouldn't go against God's word, Rashi (רש"י) surprisingly calls him greedy. This seems contradictory since similar language by Rabbi Yose ben Kisma and King Dovid is praised. The key insight emerges from the Rambam (רמב"ם)'s definitions of theft versus robbery. In theft, the object is money - one wants the item itself. In robbery, the object is the victim - one wants to dominate and control the person, with money being merely the vehicle for exercising control. Balaam's language reveals he wants Balak's money specifically, indicating a desire for control rather than mere greed. This distinction applies to the two seemingly redundant commandments against theft and adultery in the Ten Commandments, which actually address different motivations. The shiur demonstrates how this psychological insight revolutionizes parenting approaches. When children fight over toys or attention, parents must first identify whether the motivation is wanting the object (pleasure-seeking) or wanting to dominate siblings (control-seeking). For pleasure-seekers, traditional consequences work because they weigh costs against benefits. But for control-seekers, punishments backfire - they'll engage in self-destructive behavior rather than submit, proving they're in control by 'closing down the business' of their own lives. This explains why Noah made zero converts in 120 years despite warning about the flood - his generation was motivated by control (robbing less than a penny's worth just to irritate), so threats of destruction only fed their need to prove they couldn't be controlled. The solution, modeled by God's approach to Balaam, requires first proving you're not trying to control them by allowing them to proceed while demonstrating the natural consequences. Only when they understand your restrictions stem from genuine concern rather than control can meaningful change occur. If this fails, parents must show they have complete power to stop the behavior but choose not to exercise it, proving the motivation isn't control.
Parshas Balak 22:18-19
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