An exploration of a profound Midrash revealing that proper mourning involves giving honor to people during their lifetime, not just after death. This concept is illustrated through the seven days before Nadav and Avihu's death and Hashem (ה׳)'s mourning before the flood.
This shiur opens with an extraordinary Midrash Tanchuma that redefines our understanding of mourning (aveilus). The Midrash explains that Moshe instructed Aharon and his sons to observe seven days of mourning during the inauguration of the Mishkan, before anyone had died. This paralleled Hashem (ה׳)'s own seven days of mourning before bringing the flood, as referenced in the verse 'Vayinachem Hashem ki asah et ha'adam vayitatzev el libo.' The Rav initially expresses amazement at this concept - how can one mourn before death occurs? The key insight emerges through analyzing the language of 'shomer aveilus' - being a guardian of mourning, rather than simply being in mourning. The Rav explains that mourning has two aspects: the feeling of loss and brokenness, and the act of giving honor (kavod) to the departed. The term 'mishmeret' throughout Torah (תורה) refers to an honor guard, like the Levites guarding the Mishkan. True aveilus involves demonstrating how profoundly someone's absence affects us, thereby honoring their importance in our lives. The optimal time for such honor would be during a person's lifetime, particularly their final days, when they could actually experience and benefit from this recognition. The Rav connects this to the laws of asking forgiveness (mechilah), explaining that contrition and respect shown when apologizing constitutes the currency of restitution. When someone wrongs us, the real damage is the disrespect shown; genuine apology with humility actually elevates the wronged party, providing full compensation. This understanding transforms our approach to relationships. Rather than maintaining merely functional relationships with unresolved underlying issues, we should strive for genuine shalom - completely worked out relationships based on authentic respect. The Rav emphasizes this is particularly crucial for talmidei chachamim, whose defining characteristic should be creating peace in the world. The connection to Chanukkas haMishkan becomes clear: the Mishkan represents the place of shalom, where all relationships must be properly rectified. The death of Nadav and Avihu during the inauguration teaches us that in a holy space, superficial relationships are insufficient - there must be genuine honor and respect. Practically, this means we shouldn't wait for tragedy to appreciate people. The currency for fixing any relationship is respect - genuine recognition of the other person's worth beyond how they've treated us. The wiser, more responsible person, especially the ben Torah, should initiate this process. When we focus on what truly deserves respect in another person, rather than our personal grievances, we can transcend past problems and create relationships based on authentic honor. The phrase 'shomer mitzvah (מצוה) lo yeida davar ra' thus means that when we properly guard and honor our relationships through genuine respect, there is no emptiness or lack - past issues become resolved through the elevation of the relationship to a higher level of mutual honor.
Rabbi Zweig challenges Freudian psychology by arguing that the basic human drive is not pleasure-seeking but rather the painful awareness of non-existence, and explains how only a relationship with God can provide the feeling of true existence and simcha.
An exploration of the deeper meaning of 'amirah' (saying) as empowering others by recognizing their uniqueness and building meaningful relationships through authentic, individualized communication.
Parshas Shemini 9:1, Midrash Tanchuma
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