Connecting to Others Through Daas: The Role of Mothers in Developing Relationship Skills

Full Summary

This shiur examines a puzzling statement in Pirkei Avos about Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananya, one of Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai's five students. While the other students are praised for personal qualities like memory or piety, Rabbi Yehoshua is described only as 'ashrei yoladeto' (praiseworthy is she who gave birth to him). Rabbi Zweig asks why this describes the mother rather than the student himself, and what makes this mother different from the others. Through analyzing Talmudic stories, Rabbi Zweig develops a profound understanding of daas (knowledge/awareness). In Tractate Chagigah, Rabbi Yehoshua demonstrates his ability to understand silent signals from a Sadducee in Caesar's palace, while his opponent could not comprehend Rabbi Yehoshua's response. In Yerushalmi, he is called 'yoreh daas' (one who instructs in knowledge), and we learn his mother took him as an infant to hear Torah (תורה) study. Rabbi Zweig explains that daas is not mere intellectual knowledge, but the ability to connect with and understand things outside oneself. He cites Talmudic statements that one with daas feels as if the Temple is built in his day, will become wealthy, and deserves compassion, while one without daas will go into exile. The key insight is that daas enables genuine relationships and understanding of others' intentions and feelings. The nursing relationship becomes the paradigm for developing daas. Through nursing, an infant learns that something outside himself cares for him, providing warmth, nourishment, and love. This creates the foundation for all future relationships and connections. The mother who perfectly fulfills this role - like Rabbi Yehoshua's mother who also exposed him to Torah sounds - develops the child's capacity for daas. Rabbi Zweig illustrates this with a story of Rav Sheshet, whose mother convinced him to pray for a colleague by saying 'these breasts that nursed you' - not appealing to biology, but reminding him that nursing taught him to understand others' true intentions. The colleague had used humor not to mock, but to help Rav Sheshet relax and find the right answer. This understanding explains why Rabbi Yehoshua could refute the Sadducees, who demanded explicit divine commitments rather than trusting in God's relationship with them. Someone with daas understands that even when God 'turns His face away,' His hand remains extended to help - the relationship transcends immediate appearances. Rabbi Zweig concludes that fathers handle chinuch (behavioral training) while mothers develop the child's essential capacity for relationships and connection. 'Ashrei yoladeto' means Rabbi Yehoshua perfectly embodied what a mother should accomplish - creating a person capable of genuine daas and deep connections with others.