The Art of Seeing Beyond Yourself: Roeh Es HaNolad

Full Summary

Rav Zweig examines Pirkei Avos 2:9-10, where Rabban Yochanan ben Zakai asks his students to identify the proper path for a person. When Rabbi Shimon suggests 'roeh es hanolad' (one who sees what is born/the future), this appears to be about intellectual ability rather than interpersonal relationships like the other responses. The Rav resolves this apparent contradiction by redefining roeh es hanolad not as intellectual foresight, but as sensitivity to how others perceive our words and actions. The core insight is that roeh es hanolad means being aware that what we say and what others understand may be entirely different. A wise person makes the effort to enter the other person's world, adjusting their communication style to ensure understanding rather than forcing others to decode their intentions. This represents a fundamental choice in all relationships: do I expect you to adjust to me, or do I adjust to you? The Mishnah (משנה)'s opposite example - one who borrows and doesn't repay - illustrates this principle perfectly. The borrower who delays repayment for personal priorities (new car, vacation, home repairs) demonstrates the antithesis of roeh es hanolad. When the lender originally gave the loan, they put the borrower's needs first. The borrower who fails to reciprocate this consideration, instead prioritizing their own wants, reveals a fundamental selfishness. Rav Zweig connects this to the Rambam (רמב"ם)'s commentary and explains why such a person is called wicked. It's not simply about being a fool who doesn't realize people won't lend again - it's about the moral failure to recognize that just as the lender put the borrower's priorities first, the borrower should now put the lender's priorities first. This selfishness extends beyond money to all relationships. The shiur identifies three types of people called wicked in the Midrash: one who raises a hand to strike, one who causes disputes (baal machloket), and one who borrows without repaying. The unifying thread is the attitude that 'my rights extend as far as I can reach - you get out of my way.' This represents a fundamental misunderstanding of our role as guests in God's world. The practical application is profound: successful relationships require constantly asking who should adjust to whom. The healthy approach is always being willing to put others at the center while placing ourselves on the periphery. This attitude transforms marriages, friendships, and all human interactions. However, this doesn't mean enabling those who are consistently selfish, as that becomes self-abuse rather than genuine love.