An exploration of Rashi (רש"י)'s seemingly contradictory commentary on why the Jews reluctantly went to war with Midian, revealing profound insights about leadership, love, and the nature of deep relationships.
Rabbi Zweig analyzes a perplexing Rashi (רש"י) in Parshas Matos that appears self-contradictory. The Torah (תורה) states that the Jewish people had to be drafted against their will to fight Midian, despite this being their opportunity for revenge and restoring dignity. Rashi explains this reluctance as proof of how beloved their leaders were - once they learned that Moshe's death was contingent upon victory over Midian, they refused to go voluntarily. The contradiction Rashi presents is striking: he begins by stating how precious the leaders are to the people, then immediately references an earlier incident where Moshe himself said 'they are about to stone me.' How can both statements prove the people's love for their leader? The resolution lies in understanding the unique nature of Jewish leadership. Rashi deliberately uses the metaphor of 'shepherds of Israel' rather than kings or rulers. Unlike a king who has a constituency that empowers him and enables him to further his own agenda, a shepherd has no agenda beyond caring for his sheep. The relationship is entirely one-way - the shepherd serves the sheep, not vice versa. This one-way relationship creates an enormous sense of entitlement in the recipients. When someone is completely devoted to you without expecting anything in return, any perceived rejection becomes magnified tremendously. The hurt is so deep precisely because the relationship is so close and the expectations so high. Moshe's statement 'they want to stone me' was actually accurate - the people's fury at him during the water crisis came from their profound sense of rejection. When someone who is completely devoted to you seems not to care about your pain, the emotional devastation is overwhelming. The desire to 'kill' comes from the inability to live with such intense rejection from someone so beloved. However, Hashem (ה׳)'s response - telling Moshe to walk among the people to see they won't actually stone him - reveals an even deeper truth. The Jewish people's love for Moshe was greater than their love for themselves. Even when feeling devastated rejection, their love for him prevented them from actually harming him. This pattern repeats with the Midian war. Their reluctance to fight wasn't from lack of desire for victory, but from unwillingness to do anything that would hasten Moshe's departure. They loved him more than they loved themselves, even more than their own honor and dignity. Rabbi Zweig extends this insight to parenting and human relationships generally. Deep relationships require one party to invest completely without expectation of return, despite the vulnerability this creates. When people express anger or even threats, it often indicates not distance but desperate need and dependency. Understanding the source of such reactions - recognizing cries of need behind expressions of anger - is crucial for maintaining and repairing relationships.
Rabbi Zweig challenges Freudian psychology by arguing that the basic human drive is not pleasure-seeking but rather the painful awareness of non-existence, and explains how only a relationship with God can provide the feeling of true existence and simcha.
An exploration of the deeper meaning of 'amirah' (saying) as empowering others by recognizing their uniqueness and building meaningful relationships through authentic, individualized communication.
Parshas Matos 31:5
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