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Why does Rashi (רש"י) praise Yosef's brothers for refusing to speak peacefully to him? The shiur develops that the deeper mistake was allowing Yosef's psychological problems to become their emotional burden. Maintaining shalom - rather than internalizing others' issues - protects your well-being and gives you the only position from which to actually help them change.
The shiur begins with an in-depth analysis of the pasuk "vlo yochlu dabber l'sholom" - that Yosef's brothers could not speak peacefully to him. Rashi (רש"י) comments that from their improper behavior we learn a praise (shvach) - that they were not false, speaking one way while thinking another (echad b'peh v'echad b'lev). The speaker initially questions how this could be considered praise, as it seems they were simply being hostile. The fundamental insight emerges: Rashi is teaching that when someone has a problem - in this case, Yosef's perceived need to curry favor with his father at his brothers' expense - the worst thing you can do is make their problem your problem. By hating Yosef and becoming upset with him, the brothers internalized his psychological issues and made them their own emotional burden.
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Parshas Vayeishev - Genesis 37:4
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