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How could Yitzchok love Esav yet fail to discipline him, when Shlomo says sparing the rod means hating your child? The shiur distinguishes between loving a person and loving your relationship role with them. This yesod explains both proper parenting discipline and why Yaakov could love Leah while resenting his forced marriage to her.
Rabbi Zweig begins with a provocative question about Yaakov Avinu: how could the greatest of our forefathers allow Leah to feel hated, when the Torah (תורה) commands 've'ahavta l'reicha kamocha'? This leads to an analysis of Koheles 7:3 - 'Tov kas misho'ev' (anger is better than happiness). Rashi (רש"י) explains that when God shows displeasure with our actions, it motivates improvement, whereas constant approval leads to complacency. The same principle applies to parenting - criticism from loving parents helps children grow. The discussion centers on a crucial Midrash from Sefer Shemos that opens with the principle 'chosech shivto soneh bino' - 'spare the rod, hate the child.' The Midrash provides examples of great figures like Avrohom with Yishmael, Yitzchok with Esav, and Dovid with Adoniyahu, showing how lack of discipline led to tragic outcomes. This creates an apparent contradiction: the Torah states that Yitzchok loved Esav, yet Shlomo HaMelech says that failing to discipline means you hate your child.
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Koheles 7:3
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How can harsh criticism confuse even a wise leader like Moshe Rabbeinu? Using Koheles 7:7 and Rashi's interpretation, the shiur explains that wisdom means maintaining an objective, theocentric perspective rather than adopting critics' subjective viewpoints. Even when gathering all perspectives and feeling others' pain, a leader must resist the kesil's self-centered lens that defines reality only by personal impact.
