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What does the Mishna in Avos 5:16 mean by "love that does not depend on a reason"? Every relationship begins for a reason. The shiur develops a profound distinction: relationships have reasons, but true love transcends those reasons when two people merge into one entity through shared experiences. Modern "falling in love" before relationship is actually self-love, not the Torah (תורה)'s model.
Rabbi Zweig explores the concept of love through the lens of Parshas Chayei Sarah and Pirkei Avos. The parsha describes how Yitzchok brought Rivka to Sarah's tent, married her, loved her, and was comforted after his mother. The Baal HaTurim notes that the word "vayehaveha" (and he loved her) appears only twice in Tanach: here with Yitzchok and Rivka, and in Shmuel Beis 13:1 with Amnon and Tamar. The Baal HaTurim connects this to the Mishna in Avos 5:16 which distinguishes between love that depends on a reason (which ceases when the reason ends) and love that does not depend on a reason (which endures forever). The examples are Amnon and Tamar versus Dovid and Yonasan. The fundamental question is: what does "love that does not depend on a reason" mean? It seems impossible—everyone who falls in love does so for some reason. Even Dovid and Yonasan must have had reasons for their special bond; otherwise, Dovid would have loved everyone equally. The Mishna itself seems contradictory, and many commentators struggle to explain whether it refers to external versus internal reasons.
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Up Next in this Series
Why does the Midrash connect Pharaoh's expulsion of the Jews to the mitzvah of shiluach hakan? The shiur develops a chiddush that Pharaoh's sin wasn't only drowning the children, but the insensitivity of expelling the parents afterward. The deeper analysis reveals that Pharaoh may have valued the Jews greatly and wanted to control them—making his expulsion an act of tremendous cruelty, not liberation.
Why does Moshe respond to the splitting of the sea with shirah rather than praise or thanksgiving? Rashi's use of "al libo" reveals that shirah is an emotional expression—a response of love to love. When Hashem shows personal care, the only adequate response is "I love You too," not mere gratitude or praise, and this principle applies to all relationships.
Bereishis 24:67 (Parshas Chayei Sarah); Pirkei Avos 5:16; Shmuel Beis 13:1
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