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Why does the Torah (תורה) write "zar" (stranger) around the ark but read it "zer" (crown)? The shiur explains that Torah becomes a crown when learned properly, but estranged when not—because in any relationship based on ulterior motives, once the reason ends, we retroactively resent everything we invested. This principle applies to marriage, addiction recovery, and our relationship with God.
Rabbi Zweig opens with an observation about the ark in Parshas Terumah: the Torah (תורה) prescribes a "zer" (crown) around it, but the written text uses the letters that spell "zar" (stranger). The rabbis teach that if you learn Torah properly, it becomes a crown; if not, it becomes estranged—you forget your learning. But why should improper learning lead to forgetting? Why not simply lose the additional benefits of wisdom without losing what was learned? The key lies in understanding the Mishna in Pirkei Avos about love. The Mishna states that love dependent on an external reason—when the reason ceases, the love ceases. The example given is Amnon and Tamar. Rabbi Zweig notes that most people miss what Rashi (רש"י) is actually saying. Rashi quotes the verse that Amnon's hatred for Tamar after violating her was greater than the love he had before. This isn't just about the love ending—it's about retroactive resentment. When a relationship is based on selfish motives and doesn't work out, you don't just stop loving; you become furious at yourself for everything you invested—the time, effort, money, emotional energy. The Mishna means that the "love is over" retroactively: all those feelings transform 180 degrees into anger and resentment.
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Parshas Terumah - the zer/zar on the ark
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