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Why does the Torah (תורה) put father first in kivud av v'eim but mother first in reverence, contrary to natural tendencies? The shiur develops Rabbi Yeshaya Greenberg's yesod that this ordering defines the mitzvos themselves, not just our approach. True parental honor and reverence are spiritual obligations independent of natural feelings.
This shiur analyzes a fundamental Gemara (גמרא) in Kiddushin (daf 31b) that explores the ordering of parents in the mitzvos of kivud av v'eim (honoring father and mother) and morah (reverence). The Gemara explains that naturally, children tend to honor their mother more than their father because mothers speak softly and are more nurturing, while children naturally fear their fathers more, especially because fathers traditionally teach Torah (תורה). Therefore, the Torah deliberately reverses the natural order - putting father first in the mitzvah (מצוה) of honor and mother first in the mitzvah of reverence. Rabbi Yeshaya Greenberg ZT"L challenges the conventional understanding that this reversal merely emphasizes doing mitzvos even against natural tendencies. Instead, he argues that the Torah's ordering defines the very essence of these mitzvos. By placing father first in honor, the Torah teaches that kivud av v'eim is not based on natural feelings or emotional responses. The mitzvah of honoring one's father - who is less naturally honored - establishes the true definition of parental honor, which must then be applied equally to one's mother. Similarly, by placing mother first in reverence, the Torah defines morah as a spiritual obligation independent of natural fear responses.
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Kiddushin 31b
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