Asking for Favors Without Expectations: Yaakov's Approach to Yosef

Rabbi Zweig opens by examining a puzzling verse in Parshas Vayechi. Yaakov Avinu, near death, calls his beloved son Yosef—the son for whom he lived, to whom he gave all his Torah (תורה) from Shem VeEver, the light of his life for thirty-four years—and asks to be buried outside Egypt. Yet his language is startling: "Im na motzasi chein beeinecha"—"If I have found favor in your eyes." The expression implies begging for something undeserved (chein comes from chinam, a free gift), as if Yaakov has no right to expect Yosef's help. How can a father who gave his son everything, and a son who surely loved his father deeply, relate this way? Why must Yaakov ask as if he has no claim on Yosef at all? The shiur argues that this teaches a fundamental principle of human relationships: we must never ask for favors with the expectation that they will be granted based on past relationship or past kindness. When we ask someone for a favor—especially someone close to us—we typically choose people we expect will say yes. We frame it as a favor, but mentally we treat it as payback: "Given what I've done for you, you owe me this." When the answer is no, we feel rejected, angry, and betrayed. We see it as a rejection not just of the request, but of the entire relationship. This is the root of countless conflicts in families and friendships.