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Why does the Torah (תורה) place fathers first in kibbud but mothers first in mora, contrary to natural tendencies? The shiur argues this reveals that kibbud av va'em is fundamentally not based on natural feelings or gratitude for care received. Instead, it's about recognizing the profound gift of being brought into a world designed for spiritual growth and divine service.
This shiur explores a fundamental Gemara (גמרא) in Kiddushin 31b that explains why the Torah (תורה) presents the commandments of kibbud av va'em (honoring parents) and mora (fearing parents) in seemingly inconsistent orders. The Gemara states that it was known before creation that a child naturally honors the mother more than the father (because the mother speaks softly and coddles), so the Torah places the father first in "kaveid es avicha ve'es imecha." Similarly, since a child naturally fears the father more (because he teaches Torah), the Torah places the mother first in "ish imo ve'aviv tira'u." Rabbi Greenberg challenges the conventional understanding of this Gemara. Rather than the Torah simply emphasizing obligations that go against natural tendencies, he proposes that the Torah is defining the essential nature of these mitzvos. By placing the father first in kibbud, the Torah establishes that honoring parents is not based on natural feelings or emotional responses. The mitzvah (מצוה) of kibbud av is defined by how one honors the father - not because of natural tendencies, but because of who he is as a parent. This same principle then applies to honoring the mother.
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Kiddushin 31b
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