Divine Love and Moral Choice: Why God Conceals His Approval

Full Summary

Rabbi Zweig begins with Koheles 8:16-17, where Shlomo HaMelech expresses his inability to understand God's ways, particularly why the righteous suffer and the wicked prosper. He notes that even Moshe Rabbeinu struggled with this question when he asked God "hodieni na et derachecha" (show me Your ways). The Gemara (גמרא) provides a theological answer: perfectly righteous people receive only good, while completely wicked people receive only bad. However, most people fall into middle categories. Righteous people who have committed minor sins receive punishment in this world to clear their slate for the World to Come, while wicked people who have done some good receive their rewards in this world, leaving them with only punishment awaiting them in the next world. This explains the apparent injustice we observe. Rabbi Zweig asks a penetrating question: if the Talmudic sages could provide this answer, why couldn't Moshe Rabbeinu and Shlomo HaMelech figure it out? The theological answer explains God's justice but fails to address the fundamental relationship problem. He draws an analogy to marriage, explaining that love is not just about the lover's feelings but about the beloved knowing they are loved. The Hebrew blessing "rei'im v'ahuveihem" (friends and beloveds) emphasizes that true love requires the recipient to feel loved, not just to be loved. The core problem is that if we cannot tell whether our current circumstances reflect God's approval or disapproval, how can we have a meaningful relationship with Him? When good things happen, we don't know if it's because we're righteous being rewarded or wicked being paid off for our few good deeds. When bad things happen, we don't know if it's punishment for wickedness or refinement for the righteous. Rabbi Zweig suggests that God's response to Moshe's question was the revelation of the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy (Yud Gimel Midot). These attributes communicate that our relationship with God has transcended its original basis and become eternal love - "ahavah she'eina teluyah b'davar" (love that doesn't depend on a reason). He explains through the Mishnah (משנה)'s teaching that healthy love begins for reasons but matures beyond those reasons through commitment and shared experience. Using the example of Yaakov and Rachel, Rabbi Zweig shows how Yaakov transformed what began as attraction to Rachel's beauty into eternal love through his voluntary seven-year commitment to work for her. This investment created a relationship that transcended its initial basis. Similarly, the Jewish people's relationship with God, forged through the experiences of the Avot, slavery in Egypt, the Exodus, and receiving the Torah (תורה), has matured into an unbreakable bond. However, this still doesn't explain why God conceals His daily reactions to our behavior. Rabbi Zweig presents a revolutionary insight: if we could know how God felt about each of our actions, we would make decisions based on seeking God's approval rather than on genuine moral reasoning. This would undermine authentic moral development. Just as parents who constantly express disapproval of their children's actions (even while maintaining love for the child) create unhealthy motivation patterns, God deliberately maintains ambiguity about His immediate reactions to preserve the integrity of our moral choices. The goal is not to act correctly to gain God's approval, but to develop genuine moral sensitivity and choose what is right because we understand it to be right. If divine approval or disapproval were immediately apparent, we would become approval-seekers rather than moral agents. God wants us to be responsible for our decisions based on our understanding of right and wrong, not on reading His emotional reactions. Rabbi Zweig concludes that this principle has profound implications for parenting and relationships. Rather than pressuring children through expressions of approval or disapproval ("I love you but I don't like what you're doing"), we should create environments where they can develop authentic moral reasoning. The ultimate test is how they will behave when the external pressure is removed - will they act from internalized values or merely from habit of seeking approval? This teaching emphasizes that both divine and human relationships are healthiest when they foster genuine moral development rather than compliance-seeking behavior.