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Does doing someone a favor make you their creditor? Does being wronged entitle you to an apology? The shiur builds on two pesukim in Parshas Vayechi to argue that in both directions—receiving a favor and receiving an injury—the Torah (תורה) rejects our instinctive creditor-debtor model. Apology is not about granting forgiveness; it's about restoring the equilibrium of the relationship. The framework answers difficult questions in Rambam (רמב"ם) Hilchos Teshuvah on vidui and mechilah.
This shiur develops a comprehensive Torah (תורה) philosophy of human relationships based on two fundamental principles derived from Parshas Vayechi, with profound implications for understanding Hilchos Teshuvah and mechilah (forgiveness). Rabbi Zweig begins with a remarkable difficulty: Yaakov asks his beloved son Yosef for a simple favor—burial in Eretz Yisrael—yet prefaces his request with "im na matzasi chen beinecha" (if I have found favor in your eyes). Rashi (רש"י) explains that chen means a matanas chinam, an undeserved gift. How could a father who shared such an intense loving relationship with his son—the basis of Yaakov's vitality for 34 years—introduce a legitimate request with language suggesting he has no right to expect it? The shiur then turns to the end of the parsha, where the brothers send a message to Yosef asking forgiveness, claiming their father commanded them to do so. The Gemara (גמרא) in Yoma learns from this episode that one must ask forgiveness three times, and if the victim does not forgive after three attempts, the perpetrator is discharged and the victim becomes the sinner. Yet numerous difficulties emerge: Where in the pesukim do the brothers actually apologize? They merely quote what their father allegedly said. Where does Yosef forgive them? Rashi explains that Yosef tells them he won't kill them because doing so would undermine his own reputation—hardly a statement of forgiveness. How can this be the source for the halacha (הלכה) of asking forgiveness three times?
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