Control vs. Self-Mastery: Understanding True Dominion

Full Summary

Rabbi Zweig begins with Koheles 3:9, where Shlomo HaMelech asks 'What benefit is there for one who toils?' after describing life's cyclical nature. Rashi (רש"י) explains this refers to someone who puts effort into evil, questioning the benefit since everything will eventually be lost. Rabbi Zweig finds this reasoning puzzling - why would losing something in the future deter present wrongdoing when the immediate benefit remains for years? This leads to a deeper analysis of what truly motivates sin. He presents two seemingly contradictory stories: one from Talmud (תלמוד) Sukkah 30a where a king pays tolls to set an example, and another from Midrash Yalkut Shimoni where a lion-king kills a donkey dock-master who demanded taxes. The reconciliation reveals that the key issue is control - whose idea was it? When the king initiated payment, he agreed; when the donkey demanded it, the king killed him despite the same practical outcome. This teaches that most conflicts stem from control issues, not merit. Rabbi Zweig argues that Shlomo HaMelech is addressing the real motivation behind sin: not desire for pleasure, but the need to control and rebel against divine authority. The word 'omel' (toil) indicates burden and struggle against God. When someone steals thinking they're gaining control, they're deluded because life's cycles ensure eventual loss - true control doesn't exist. The Midrash describes the controlling donkey as heartless, which Rabbi Zweig explains as lacking empathy and seeing only one's narrow world rather than understanding others in their broader contexts. A controlling person reduces everyone to their role in his limited sphere, unable to see them as complete beings with their own lives and relationships. This myopic worldview is dangerous in all relationships - with children, spouses, and others. Parents who try to control children are deluded since children will eventually leave and join the larger world. The solution lies in redirecting the natural need for control toward self-mastery. The Mishnah (משנה) teaches that true gevurah (strength) means controlling oneself, not others. This is actually more challenging than controlling others but provides genuine satisfaction and builds character. Rabbi Zweig recommends starting small - choosing one or two specific areas for consistent self-discipline rather than grandiose projects. When we achieve self-control, the compulsive need to control others diminishes, allowing us to see people in their own contexts rather than merely as players in our world. This enables genuine care for others' welfare rather than manipulation for our ego needs. The teaching concludes that since we're all part of Hashem (ה׳)'s world and He constantly changes our circumstances, believing we have our own controllable world is an illusion. True wisdom lies in seeing others in their contexts, avoiding the futile attempt to control them, and focusing on the one area where control is possible and meaningful - ourselves.